Tâm tình sau Khóa Cura Personalis tại Trung Tây - 1

Thach:
Thach thought that I'd take a few minutes to share with you my take on the workshop and how I perceive our group, NS, will go forward thanks to the so many "eye opener" revelations that I think we all received from CP.

NguonSong has seen and been through its own rollercoaster ride lifecycle, probably much like many other local groups in Donghanh over the years. Our group has been sitting at the bottom of the plateau with the fewest active members ever the last couple of years and has not been able to find any momentum to get over the hump. The timing of this CP workshop was just impeccable! One big surprise that Jesus pulled for us this time was that almost everyone of our currently active members went to the workshop, seven, unlike in the past where only one or two persons would participate in any Vung or Phongtrao activities, if any at all. Back then, whoever that was sent away on a mission would have an unsurmountable task of delivering the message back to the group and often times, the message and what could have been a new liveblood for the group was quickly drown out from a lack of enthusiam and response. There is no convincing to be done this time however! We all went and each one of us got recharged with new hope and spirit, a new way of looking at oneself, our own group, and DongHanh as a big family.

During the one hour on Saturday night our group was allowed to sit together to discern, it became so vividly clear that our mission and caring we've been sharing all these years suddenly got a huge boost of energy and are now about to enter a new chapter. We all agreed that a refreshing change was long overdue for the group and what could have been better to bring about that positive change than a slew of breath-catching presentations and workshops that cha Tri and the "Big brothers and sisters" with a generous heart put together for Trungtay. I personally have to admit that eventhough Ban Phuc Vu crammed way too much materials into a two-day weekend, the information presented was so fundamental and vital that I am not sure if cha Tri could afford not to, considering how difficult it is to organize such a gathering like this on a regional scale. Much information might have been passed up but I am sure that each one of us was able to pick up a certain part of the workshop well, and with these little parts multiplied by seven of us that went, we may have accomplished more as a group than we think.

We set some new goals for our group going forward that night. We walked away from the camp with a renewed sense of hope and faith. We have everyone at the camp, ourselves, and Jesus to thank for, for allowing us a rare opportunity to be with one another and with Him on this life long journey.


***

Loan:
Mot vai chia se voi chi KA : tu*` nhieu^` nam qua , va^’n dde danh thi gio rieng cho ba?n tha^n de lo cho suc khoe hay mot vai nhu cau ca^`n thie^’t nhu doc sach, tim cho minh 5, 10 phut tha^.t tha?nh tho?i la dieu em da khong lam .. Ve doi song cua nhom, ban than em co mot^. so^’ vai uu* tu* ma hau nhu khong tim duoc cau tra loi tu nhieu nam qua : khong tim` duoc mot suc manh thieng lieng de den^’ voi*’ nhom’ tuy luon nha^.n duoc*. su* nang^ do~ tinh than^` qua nhung~ bien^’ cua ACE trong nhom. Va nhieu nguoi trong nhom dda~ roi*` nhom’ hoac khong den^’ sinh hoat thuo*`ng xuyen^.
Qua khoa CP:
Ve^` ca’ nhan, em nhan^. ra duoc dieu can thiet phai cham soc chinh minh ve tam linh va suc khoe de co duoc binh an, binh tam va co su sang khoai’ va nang luc dem chia se cho nhung nguoi Chua gui den trong doi song sinh hoat hang ngay`. Co quye^’t ta^m la`m phut hoi^` tam^ va cho.n cho minh` hang` tua^`n mot^. thay do^?i nho de tu luye^.n nha^n duc*.
Ve^` nhom’, moi mot ca nhan phai duoc lon len trong doi song duc tin va phai giup nhau va nang do nhau de cung tang truong chu*’ khong chi? dung*` lai o* nhung*~ nang^ do*~ kho’ khan trong doi*` song^’ hang ngay. Va cung~ thay duoc*. su* ca^`n thie^’t phai? quan tam de^’n tieng^’ noi’ cua Chua den^’ qua nhung~ bien co^ do’. Tu*` do, truong* thanh` hon* ve doi* song^’ duc*’ tin. Vo*’i nhung hoc hoi mo*’i ve^` nghe^ thua^.t lang nghe, chia se, hy vo.ng tu.i em se de^~ dang` giup’ nhau hon*. Can^` de y dden nhu ca^`u cua? nhau nhieu^` ho*n. Nhung~ die^`u ca^`n thie^’t cho do*`i so^ng ta^m linh cua? moi^~ nhom vien: cau^` nguyen, phu’t hoi^` can^` duoc nhac nho* trong nhom’ thuo*`ng xuye^n ho*n.

***

Thao:

Dear Nhom,
I just wanted to let you know that I am doing great. As a wife, a mother of two young ones and a full time student (I quitted my job to go back to school), I truly understand how busy and hectic life is...for all of us. Although I'm not active in St.Polycarp group anymore, I'm with ya in spirit. I'm very happy that Nhom "bat dau lai" - truly I am :).

It's very hard, and I know that 101%. There are lots of temptations, lots of attachments that pull us back. Every single time, I planned to go hop Nhom, (fellowship with Nhom Agape, Austin) I always had excuses not to go and those excuses at the time seemed very legitimate. My baby had not finished eating yet, the house chores were not done yet… I have an exam the next day…I needed to study, do the laundry… maybe I’ll just go to the next fellowship. "Next time" came and "next time" went, I still haven't gone to any fellowship meeting yet. One big excuse I thought of is "your call is to be a Mom - why don't you fulfill that call first then other things can come later...." ...... the list of my excuses can go on and on for pages. It's an horrendous ordeal to DETACH from my attachments.

I just came back from the Cura Personalis training last weekend. I took Bao An (Grace) with me this time. We were exhausted - both of us. Grace was very much distressed on the last day because we were all staying up very late and waking up very early (you know how it goes when you’re on a retreat/workshop). Grace acted up on the last day. She had eczema on her neck, her right eye swelled-up and was red. She was constipated, had running nose, cough...etc...... I was very exhausted physically and emotionally. I kept my composure on the outside, but I rumble against God within…"why did You call us here, and then not help us - I didn't learn much - I don't think I want to come back"… I hear more rumbling… "You called us here, how come Grace's condition got worse, her eczema was almost healed before we left" and "Did you really want us here? Or did I make a wrong choice".

On the last day of CP training, I could not concentrate during mass. The kids cried and disturbed other people, so I told Minh, my husband, who had come to join us for mass that morning, to take us home (Minh and Vinh came to pick us up). I thought to myself, at least now I could go home and rest ........ ...... but......... ..... something else happened … Usually it only takes 3 1/2 hours to get home from Denton to Austin but that evening it took us 7 1/2 hours. The kids were crying in the back of the car. Minh was all tensed up because traffic was so bad. I could probably get home faster on foot. Minh tried to find an alternate route. We rushed and cut through some back roads to bypass the traffic area, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter which road we took, they were all congested. Minh was tensed and I could very much felt that too. Although we didn't say a word to each other, we both felt the tension from one another….And the kid's crying just added more fuel to the fire. I wanted to EXPLODE. I wanted so badly to scream and blame. I felt so bad for Grace because I took her with me and she was in so much distressed. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to calm her, she did not stop crying. Her crying and Vinh’s screaming….I just could not handle it anymore..... ....The rumble from within came again..... "What do You want me to do? and where are YOU?" ...... I could not stand it anymore. I turned away and looked thru our car's window. I saw horses grazing in the farm pasture… the breeze - you know how it is when wind gently blow in the field… it makes waves in the grass…the clear blue sky…the yellow wild flowers in the field look beautiful under the sunset...... .....It's magnificent. ......... .

Although I felt I didn't have a "turning point" (or shall we called them...”graces”) through this CP training as I had with my past retreats, I felt that there was still a message for me…. Amidst the chaos, He is there - just turn to Him. I thank God so much for his allowing me to see the beauty of nature, feel HIS presence amidst the frustration, and feel HIS strength to help me keep my composure. I felt HIS strong message for me.... I don't know for certain whether I had interpreted it correctly or not, but I felt that life is going to be just the way it is (it's not gonna change overnight) with all its issues. I would still have to struggle to manage my time, find time for the family, for my kids, my spiritual growth, and school. There will still be time of chaos, but I know now that if I would pause and turn to HIM to feel His presence - the source of my strength – then I will be able to carry on the call that HE had dreamt for me.

Now, looking back, I pause to think if I had any regrets in taking Grace with me. There were times at the workshop that I felt like I have failed Grace as a mom. Grace didn’t eat or sleep well and her eczema acted up (she is doing a little better now)…. Although I felt horribly and Grace certainly suffered many discomforts, I think it was all worthwhile to take Grace along. I would not have trade anything for a good spiritual foundation for my children. However, I should be more realistic and be better prepared next time. I saw some very spiritual teenagers and young adults. I admired them very much. I wasn't like them at all when I was their age. After talking to some of their parents who were also at the workshop, I found out that some of these teens started their spiritual life when they were just conceived. What a beautiful thing…!

All of us are very concerned for our kids. I'm too. I feel that in order for our kids to be spiritual, I (myself) and Minh have to set an example for our children. And I know that all of you are J Each and everyone of us struggle in one way or another. I'm struggling to di hop Nhom too. There are too many attachments and too many VOICES of distraction in our heads. It's very difficult to discern which is the ONE true voice amidst the chaos. I usually discover that true voice afterward. I now feel peaceful about my decision in taking Grace with me. I just wanted to share with you my weaknesses as well as my blessings so that you know you are not alone. We struggle as we go - and we journey together. J After all, that’s what Dong Hanh is all about right?

Smile,